


Welcome To My Life

by Chuluchan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Big Brother Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Castiel, Gen, M/M, Nerd Castiel, Popular Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:32:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3182183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chuluchan/pseuds/Chuluchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is 17 years old and thinks of high school as of his personal kind of hell. Then, one day his childhood friend appears and everything gets different dimension.<br/>/“I am Castiel. I brought cookies.” He looks at the box he is holding in front of him and blushes furiously as he plays over in his head what he just said.<br/>//"But that's illegal." He protests. Dean rolls his eyes. "We're seventeen, dude." But he ducks back and returns the cans of beer. "What about coke, then?" "Coke would be fine, thanks." Castiel replies...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is inspired by a song "Welcome to my life" by Simple Plan. The lyrics used in this story are those of this song.

"Waaaah!" five years old blue eyed boy yelled excitedly as he ran over a green lawn, hunted by same half-pint of a boy with light brown hair and freckles.

"Cas!" The second called out as he aimed a stream of cool water from his water pistol at the first.

Cas squeaked and laughed as the cold water splashed over his back and soaked his white T-shirt. He stopped and prepared for retaliation.

"Dean!" He threatened in adorably high child voice as he turned back and his friend came to halt.

"Call me _Terminator D_!" There was a half-pout on Dean's small lips, but his green eyes shined with mirth and mischief, mirroring the sky blue ones.

Dean imitated the sound of loading gun.

"Booomf." Year and half old Sammy, Dean's fairy-haired little brother, babbled cheerily in Mary's lap.

"Yes. Boom." Mary agreed as she tickled the toddler in her arms and watched the boys to start shooting water on each other in rash assault accompanied with high pitched shrieking. In under two minutes, there wasn't a single patch dry on them, but it was summer and sun was high as her child and his best friend played in the back yard of their house.

ddddddddddddobbbbbbbbbbbb

_12 years later_

Castiel is walking down the corridor between the lockers at Lawrence high school. It's just morning, the first class haven't even started yet and a group of girls with expensive hair-cuts and stylish clothes is already gossiping, flocked together so that nobody else can overhear. When he walks past, they fall silent and follow him by their eyes, enhanced by eye-liner and mascara. He tries his best to ignore them, but he cannot miss the burst off giggles when he walks to his locker, far enough to not hear their stage whisper anymore.

 _'Shit.'_ He thinks. _'Nice start of the week.'_

However, Castiel is used to much worse, so he just opens his locker and pulls out the books, when he hears the same group of girls to 'oh!' and 'ah!' in admiration of… whom exactly? Castiel turns to find the source of sudden uproar and there's a tall hunky guy walking through the main entrance as if everything there belonged to him. _'And maybe it does.'_ Castiel thinks as the girls don't stop with their longing sighs. There's a second figure right behind the first, quite short and skinny, but Catiel cannot see much before they take few steps into the corridor and the light from outside coming in through open door behind them stops blinding his view. Castiel double-takes as he sees the new student in whole now. He has to unwillingly admit that he can't hold it against the girls that they got carried away, because a perfectly curved face with full lips, faint litter of freckles and pair of mesmerizing eyes, coupled with rebellious short light brown hair and body of a male stripper… on O-shaped legs that should be illegal, makes even Castiel' knees go week. At the thought Castiel blushes and looks away, slamming the door of his locker little bit louder than is necessary. He doesn't need more problems than he already has and certainly not of this kind.

At the lunch break Castiel pushes his hat back at his head. He's not sure why he deserves to have hair that won't stay the way he combed them for damned five minutes. Whenever the weather allows it, he eats his lunches outside. It allows him to breathe freely at least for a while before he has to return back to that personal kind of hell called high school. Fifteen months and he will be finally out of it. _'Hold on, Castiel.'_ He sighs and sits at his usual bench under one of the trees on further edge of the school lot. He keeps thinking about the green eyes he saw that morning. He can't shake off the feeling they're somehow familiar, but that's probably just a wishful thinking. He's crushing over a new hot guy in the school and wishes things were different this time.

He's about to unpack his lunch, when he hears an unfamiliar high boyish voice calling.

"Hey!"

Castiel turns in its direction and sees a young blond seventh grader – who still looks a bit too short to be in a seventh grade. His face is lit up with friendly smile and Castiel feels really strange that it is directed to him, but since there's nobody else, it can't be a mistake.

"Hey." Castiel answers in his own much deeper voice.

"Hi. You are Castiel, aren't you?" The boy asks and Castiel is seized by a minor panic shock. _'Why the hell he knows my name?'_ And he's trying not to let the scenarios of various possible pranks flood his head.

"Yes." He says cautiously instead. "Why?"

The boy's face that faltered in face of Castiel's closed up expression brightens even more.

"I am Sam. Sam Winchester." _'Winchester…'_ Castiel repeats in his head, but before he gets further, Sam chirpily continues. "We live next door. I saw you when we arrived. Dad says that you used to come and play with us a lot when we were kids!" Sam exclaims excitedly.

Castiel is not sure what to make out of this. "Yeah?" he replies feebly.

"Hey, if you wanted to come over, I would be really happy and my brother, too." Sam says and it hits Castiel as a brick into a stomach.

 _'His brother.'_ Suddenly, he remembers the morning scene from the school corridor and he gulps heavily. _'Dean.'_

Dean was Castiel's best friend before he started school, but Dean's family left after their mother suddenly died. And Castiel promised it will be always like that, they'll be best friends. But then, they were five years old. He couldn't remember much, but the feeling, that he was truly happy in those days, before Dean left, has remained.

"Hm, sure. I'll try." Castiel smiles uncertainly.

The blond boy makes simply unbelievable puppy eyes on him and Castiel cannot muster up enough will to withhold the answer Sam wants to hear.

"Fine. I will come, promise." He yields and is rewarded with an impish victorious smirk.

"Hey, Sam!" – They are interrupted by call that comes from two boys standing aside.

"I'm coming!" Sam yells over and turns back to Castiel.

"OK, I have to go. See you later!" Ha waves and winks before he trots over the lot to his friends.

"Bye!" Castiel calls after him and the second the words leave his mouth, he starts to realize just how clusterfuck situation he got himself into.

Or at least he thought so until it's 6 pm, he's home and can't think of any reasonable excuse why he can't come over to Winchesters. Upset with himself, he tries to pick up some hoodie that feels all kinds of strange, since his parents always make him wear long-sleeved shirts. He even tries to tame the nest of hair on his head for a while, but in the end gives up and goes with the hat.

His heart is in his throat as he rings the bell on the door and almost walks away, when – _the older_ – of Winchester brothers answers the door. Castiel isn't sure how to breathe when the curious green emeralds zoom in on him. When one of those perfect eyebrows lifts up in question, Castiel suddenly takes a deep breath and blurts out the first that comes to his mind before he can second-guess himself.

"I am Castiel. I brought cookies." He looks at the box he is holding in front of him and blushes furiously as he plays over in his head what he just said.

"Oh." Says Dean and Castiel risks a look at his face to find Dean's lips spreading in wide grin. "Sam! Cas is here! And guess what he got us?" Dean calls over his shoulder to his brother as opens the door wide and steps back so that Castiel can enter. Sam's head pops up from next room in a short time and Dean finishes his statement with enamoured: "Cookies!" And he looks like a child who's been said there will be second Christmas this year. And that's just so not what Castiel has expected.

"Hey, Cas!" Sam greets him.

"Alright. Come on in." Dean prompts him and leads the way to the living room. Sam disappears, too, and Castiel is left with no other option than to follow them.

Sam jumps on the sofa and sits cross-legged on it. Castiel follows his suit in more moderate manner and sits at the couch and he puts the cookies box on the table.

Castiel hears the fridge open and Dean calling from kitchen behind his back. "Would you like some beer, Cas?" Cas turns and looks at him wide-eyed through the open door.

"But that's illegal." He protests.

Dean rolls his eyes. "We're seventeen, dude." But he ducks back and returns the cans of beer. "What about coke, then?"

"Coke would be fine, thanks." Castiel replies and even if Dean had said 'green goo with snails' he would say the same for how embarrassed he feels about the beer at the moment.

Dean returns with three glasses and big bottle of cooled coke and after he places it all on the low table in front of them, he sprawls on the couch next to Cas. Cas's heart makes few somersaults before it gets back to its relatively normal, if a bit accelerated and unsteady, beat.

Sam uncrosses his legs and gets to the task of pouring the coke in the glasses.

"I am happy you came." He says as he fills the first glass. "Seriously. I thought you wouldn't come the way you looked." Sam says boldly.

"Sam." Dean reprimands him and the younger brother looks up at Cas with an apologetic look.

"Sorry." He says awkwardly.

"It's fine." Castiel huffs with tired amusement. "I didn't know I'll come myself, until I was at your door." He admits.

"Sam told me how he met you at school." Dean intervenes. "It's a pity we're not at the same class."

 _'Are you sure?'_ Castiel thinks. _'Because you don't know me. You don't want to know me.'_ And then as an afterthought: _'And I am actually positive it's lucky we're not in the same class, 'cause I would fail all the subjects if I were to focus on the lesson while you are in the same room.'_

"So, you moved back." Cas changes the topic bravely.

"Yeah. We arrived on Saturday."

"I know." Castiel says, because he knows it, he just never thought to look who it is that will occupy the long abandoned house next to his.

"Cas, do you like play-station games?" That's Sam, enthusiastic as ever, as Cas is becoming to understand.

"Yes, I do." He nods confirmatively.

"Cool." This time it's Dean, though Castiel would expect such response rather from his thirteen years old brother.

Sam distributes playing consoles and boots up a game and soon they're playing Need For Speed and SoulCalibur and Dean is whining, because both his younger brother and Cas are beating him with such an ease that comes up only with long hours of practice. He mutters and growls and stuffs his cheeks with cookies Cas has brought.

When they finish one game in which Sam beats Cas, Castiel groans and puts the console aside to take a sip of his coke. His peripheral vision catches Dean's look and he turns to him.

"What?" Castiel asks and half expects Dean to pretend he was not outright staring at him, but Dean just smirks.

"It's strange to see you like this, after all those years."

_'He remembers me.'_

"Yeah. You, too. I didn't recognized you when I first saw you this morning."

"Well, lot of things change between you are five and seventeen." Dean winks jokingly.

"Not your eyes."

"What?"

"Your eyes. They are the same green, like leaves in a summer sun."

"Oh." Dean looks comical in his surprise.

_'Is it just my imagination or is the guy just blushing?'_

A rumble of car pulling up at the driveway in front of the house throws them out of the moment, both Winchesters turning rigid as if something just went terribly wrong.

"Dad." Dean surmises and gets to his feet in one fast leap. His voice is grim, angry and inexplicably fearsome.

Dean grabs the glasses and rushes to the kitchen, while Sam's hiding the game consoles.

"Dad doesn't like when we bring somebody over." Sam explains helpfully as he closes the almost empty box of cookies and hands it to Castiel, who also stands up.

Dean is back in a second and his expression is awkward, apologetic and unhappy all at once as he says: "Cas, I'm sorry, but I think you need to go now."

However, before any of them move from their spot, the sound of keys in the lock let them know it's already too late. Dean moves to the door as a forward troop, standing in first line to defend the visitor and the brother.

"Dean."

"Hey, dad. How it went?" Dean asks deceptively easily.

"It wasn't that bad." The other voice answers as the person is the most likely shrugging of the jacket and hanging it near the door.

"That's good to hear." Dean stalls at the spot.

"Dean?" Obviously, his father is not buying it.

By that time, though, Sam managed to steal away with Castiel in tow to a back door, opening it soundlessly.

"I am sorry, but our dad would freak out. I hope to see soon again." Sam whispers and Castiel leaves with disconcerted feelings.

Well, Castiel knew something about difficulties with parents. And siblings. However, as he was stealing out to his house and then walked in to be asked where he's been, he couldn't care less, because the smile that blossomed at his lips as he answered his mother was genuine.

"I've been at my friends' place." He said and his heart warmed up with happiness.

"Balthazar?" His mother asked, looking up from cooking.

"No. Somebody new." Castiel replied and run up the stairs before he could have get questioned further.

Up in his room, Castiel sat by his window, looking down at Winchesters' house and smiled goofily. It wasn't like he did not value Balthazar's friendship, however difficult one it was, but having the mysterious stranger, that was quite certainly the hottest guy at whole school, and his cool little brother as friends was the best thing that has happened to him ever. The only thing that could make it a little bit complicated was that Castiel was gay, although nobody knew it – well maybe except Balthazar who, with his mind opened to everything, might have got a hunch –, and Dean could obviously beat any of his sexual fantasies.

Next morning, there's a small smile playing at Castiel's lips as he goes to school, which hasn't happened for years, as far as Castiel can remember. It stays there as he meets Sam who greets him with wave and enthusiastic "Hi, Cas!".

To his bafflement he meets Balthazar by the lockers. The guy is in senior grade, one year older than Castiel and most of the time comes late.

"Castiel." He greets him with his nonchalant elegance.

"Good morning, Balthazar. What brings you in so early?" Cas asks as he unlocks his locker, while Balthazar chooses to prop his shoulder against the closed ones next to him and he hooks one ankle over the other as he watches Castiel rummaging through his notepads.

"Well, let's say that a certain teacher insinuated that if I don't come at time to her lesson, she will be forced to use inadequate measures for my punishment. First, it sounded great, but then it turned out she wasn't talking about leather straps and high heel boots." Balthazar grimaces and Castiel chuckles.

"Hey, who's that guy?" Balthazar asks and Castiel turns just in time to see Dean approaching.

"Hey, Cas!" Dean grins at him as he walks past.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel answers and a faint flush works its way up to his cheeks.

"What?! You know this guy?" Balthazar grabs him by his arm and pulls him out of his dazedness. Dean is already gone down the hall.

"Yeah. We're neighbors." Castiel shrugs.

"Holy shit!" Balthazar seems scandalized and Castiel has an uncomfortable feeling that his friend is going to ask a lot of inappropriate and possibly embarrassing questions. So he hurries to get the rest of his books, shuts the locker and says:

"Sorry, I really have to go. Talk to you later." And without waiting for an answer he hurries to his class.

As he was expecting, Balthazar bombards him with a fusillade of text messages, question ranging from where they met to whether Dean already banged some girl here or if there were more, considering he's sex on legs. Castiel just locks his phone again and shoves it back to his backpack.

Castiel considered testing his luck and eating a lunch in canteen. Balthazar never wanted to eat with him, because lunch break was his time to fool girls' heads, but maybe he could run into Sam or Dean. However, when he entered the hall and scanned it for familiar faces, Sam wasn't here and Dean… Dean was in the middle of table so packed that it was a wonder his classmates managed to cram so many chairs into such small space. Castiel sighed and left for the bench under the tree outside.

Before he reached his destination, Castiel heard some shouting and looked for its source. And there, across the field, three of Castiel's classmates are looming over two heads shorter Sam. Castiel feels nauseous as those same bullies that broke his nose in eighth grade are about to do something similarly hurtful to Sam, who looks defiant enough for them to justify their violence. Castiel shifts the bag further up his shoulder and sets out on his shaking legs to help Sam. His guts are clenched with fear, but he pushes himself to walk faster, because he knows how much he would appreciate if there was ever somebody who came to help him when he needed it.

Just the thing is… that Sam doesn't need his help. Castiel stops dumbstruck as he watches Sam to kick the boys into whimpering puppies. He doesn't even look like he broke a sweat on his forehead. The next moment Dean rushes to the scene, furious and shouting about dicks who dare to lay their hands on his little brother and that he's going to kill them. He's unstoppable, until Sam touches his arm and says: "It's OK, Dean."

The guys Sam leveled are so frightened Castiel almost feels sorry for them. Although they haven't soften his heart to that point, he feels sorry for himself. He feels a little bit envious, because his own older brothers never came to save him. They are seven and eight years older than Castiel and he and they somehow never got along. However, what hurts the most is that maybe Dean, maybe even Sam would come to help him, but Castiel would rather get a broken arm than let them save him. He would have to walk in sewers with a shame, if it turned out he can't do even as much as take one guy down, while Dean's younger brother, who's just thirteen and two heads too short can beat up three.

Castiel is lying on his bed and feels like shit. As elated as he was just yesterday, his mood takes one hundred eighty. _'Why has life to be so complicated?'_

Although nothing is so peachy as Castiel first believed in a swirl of his optimistic fantasies, Dean and Sam keep inviting him over and his life is not altogether so bad. In school, Dean is chasing girls and Sam is seventh grader, so nothing much has changed, but at least he has someone who tells him "Hi" and something he can look forward that isn't locked up in his room.

One day when he leaves from Winchester's, their father, John turns up announced. Since he exceptionally wasn't using his car, they had no warning, when he walked on them in the main door.

His face is contorted with anger as he measures Castiel with deadly cold look.

"What have I told you about visitors?" He breaks loose on the brothers.

"Hi, dad. This is Castiel, he lives next door." Sam peeps bravely.

John's face somehow loses the hard edge and he tries to take control over his facial features.

"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't meant to-" He turns to Castiel.

"No, I am sorry." Castiel jumps in. "Guys told me you are going for a hunting trip this weekend and we got into discussion over riffles. I used to shoot from air rifle while at junior high and asked them to show theirs to me. I shouldn't have press it. And I was at my leave anyway." He says and backs out of the door.

John looks mildly surprised, at least. His anger already dissipated with Castiel's long explanation.

"Well, you can come over again. If you want." John says and it's like a miracle. "I don't like having strangers wandering my house, but I wouldn't mind if you spent more time with my boys. You're a neighbor, after all."

Castiel smiles gratefully and both Dean and Sam looks like the announcement of avalanche rolling onto their heads was revealed to be just a joke.

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester."

And it looks like the tone in which Castiel said it pulls at some strings in John's ego, because he adds:

"Who knows, maybe we can take you along to a hunt someday."

Castiel only understands the weight of those words when Dean looks like his father felt from moon.

Castiel politely nods and leaves, not daring to push his luck further.

After his first first-hand encounter with John Winchester, Castiel finds out that Dean and Sam's father is despite his strict rules a kind man who cares about people and most of all about his own sons. He can also finally see where most of the things Winchester brothers are good at come from. As a single parent for most of boys' lives, John thought them everything he knew. Both brothers can fight and both can shoot and Dean can drive a car despite it's illegal at his age. And though neither of them ever shows a weakness, both are kind-hearted after their father.

When Dean tells him, that during a summer break Winchesters are going to spend a week at a hunting lodge and that Castiel is allowed to join them, Castiel feels too happy for problems to stay out of his way. He's in a deep thought about how to approach his parents with the matter, that he stops guarding his surrounding like he usually does, whenever he's at school.

As he walks a corridor from one class to another, one of nasty guys bumps his shoulder purposefully.

"Hey, where you're looking?" The guy shouts at him and Castiel tries to escape, but another guy steps in his way.

"Didn't you hear me?"

Castiel slowly turns.

"Hey, Martin, I think the guy's _in love_ , the way he ignores people walking around him." The other mocks.

"And I think he's a snob, or least he thinks so. Look at his starched shirt and polished loafers!"

"Oh, yeah. Fits to his name, _Castiel_." The guy grimaces as if he hasn't ever heard more ridiculous name.

Castiel makes a step aside and tries to run away, but the bastards move, too.

"Not so fast, prince. You should apologize first."

Castiel glares the guy who said it down.

"You should be smart enough for that."

"So the fact you don't apologize yourself implies that your mental capacity is not sufficient to do so." Castiel grits through his teeth.

"Oh, of course." The guy says just as he didn't hear what Castiel just told him. "You are the one that thinks his brain is sexy. No offense, but you look like shit. I am really sorry to tell you, but girls don't do it with guys because of their _brains_."

Castiel is shaking with fury and shame, but he knows that any retort is beyond point when told to someone with IQ of Martin or Hank and his parents would kill him, if they learnt he hit somebody at school.

"And what do you know about that, Martin?" A girl laughs with her biting comment.

Eyes of all three of them shoot in direction of Meg Masters. The beauty stops with a hand propped on her hip, one of her eyebrows lifted in a cynical smirk.

"Shut it, you shitheads before I kick your ass."

Nobody dares to mess with Meg and so both jerks move on. She doesn't even stop to look at Castiel as she walks past.

"Thanks." Castiel murmurs anyway, but he knows that she wasn't doing it for him as much as she just hates stupid people. Meg belongs to the top students. Castiel knows it because he belongs there, too. But somehow, miraculously, she is one of those few exceptions who aren't considered nerds. She's cool. Well, in her case, either that or intimidating enough.

The second less fortunate event happens right that evening, when Castiel finally asks his mother for permission to go on hunting trip with Winchesters.

"Castiel, your father was hoping that you help uncle Zachariah at the office." His mum reminds him with unapprehending intonation. "I think we agreed it will be good for your future career, too."

"I know, but it's just a week!" Castiel protests.

"Don't negotiate with me. I will not allow it until you speak with your father." Mrs. Novak stands her point unwaveringly.

"If he ever comes." Castiel mutters under his breath grudgingly, knowing it might take more than a week until he has an occasion to talk to his father and that's only in case he watches out for it all the time.

"What did you say?" His mother eyes him suspiciously.

"Nothing. Sorry. I am going to my room now."

A week later there's a sports day at their school and Castiel is quite looking forward the unusual event that takes place only once a year. Spring temperature is getting to its top and even this early in the morning, when the cool breeze gets under his clothes, the sun beams warm up his shoulders. John is taking Sam and Dean by a car and at the brothers' insisting, Castiel is waiting at their front door to join them for the ride.

Castiel rings the bell and Dean opens the door with T-shirt only half way over his head and Castiel goes through a minor heart attack at the view, before Dean pulls the T-shirt down his abs and Castiel refocuses on Sam for sake of his own sanity. Sam is rummaging through his sport bag containing softball equipment, but other than that he looks prepared. Castiel realizes Dean is still staring at him.

"Hey, dude. You wanna go in this?" Dean asks him incredulously and as he gestures to Castiel's attire, Castiel looks down at his long sleeved shirt, sweater vest and slacks.

"Well, I… I don't have that many kinds of clothes." He says awkwardly.

"Are you kiddin' me? It's a sports day."

"Maybe I could borrow something from my brother…" Castiel suggest hesitatingly.

"Than do it. And hurry up, we don't wanna be late."

Castiel runs back to his house and thinks _'Michael will kill me, if he ever finds out.'_ as he steals into his older brother's room. Even though Castiel is sure Micheal won't be back for another week since he left with his soccer team for semi-finals, it doesn't make him any less nervous.

He pulls out slightly worn out jeans a tries them on. They are a little bit tight at his hip and rear, but it's not like he has too many options to choose from. He discards his sweater vest, with hope it won't get cold during the day and jogs back to Winchesters.

Dean looks him down with assessing eye and says: "Come with me."

Castiel obeys and follows Dean to his room. The room's owner digs through his drawers and throws a simple white T-shirt on Castiel's head. "Put this on. I'll be downstairs." He commands and leaves Castiel with the light cotton fabric in his hands.

After a moment of consideration, Castiel takes off his shirt and pulls on Dean's T-shirt. It's slightly bigger, but not that much to look hanging and Castiel speculates how tight it has to be on Dean, with his well-defined musculature. He feels half naked with the light material and short sleeves, so he pulls his blue shirt over the T-shirt, but he leaves the buttons undone. He evaluates his new look in narrow mirror Dean has on the inner side of his closet doors, when he hears a soft knocking.

"Yes?" He asks.

"Cas, it's me, Sam."

"Come in."

Sam slips inside and looks at Castiel.

"So what do you think?" Castiel examines himself doubtfully. His misgivings prevail eventually. "I don't know, I will probably change back to my usual clothes." He concludes irresolutely.

Finally, he looks at Sam who seems to be deeply hurt by his statement.

"Cas, don't be stupid! You look great!" Sam supports him enthusiastically. "Take down the hat."

"No, my hair just look awful." Castiel winces as he tries to reason with Sam.

"Just let me try something and if it doesn't work, I won't bother you anymore. I promise." Sam promises. And despite Castiel has doubts of the value of his promise, he lets himself to be dragged over to a small bathroom. Sam makes him sit at the edge of a bathtub, while he gets his hands dipped in extra strong gel that has to – as Castiel realizes – belong to Dean. Sam uses comb his fingers and few more cosmetics Castiel doesn't bother to pay attention to before he pulls his hands away and grins at Cas. He washes his hands, while Castiel squints at his reflection in the mirror. He touches a tip of stray strand and has to admit that it doesn't look bad. Which is quite surprise, because although he knows better than to underestimate any of Winchesters he knows his hair and he didn't think that there can be a satisfying outcome reached in so short time, if at all.

When Castiel comes downstairs and Dean lifts his head, there's a strange shine in his green eyes as he takes in what he sees. He smiles.

"Now, that's better." Dean appraises their team work.

One Dean's smile of approval can assure Castiel as nothing else, so he finally throws away his worries, slings his duffle-bag over his shoulder and follows Sam and Dean to the car, where John is already waiting for them.

"Nice change of style." John compliments and Castiel gets a little bit flushed on his cheeks, but it's short-lived as they get in the car and set off to a stadium.


	2. Chapter 2

When they walk up into the crowd of students, Castiel can't help, but to feel like people are staring at him. Which is obviously not true, because there way to many people for all to know him, not even by look, and if somebody catches the attention, it's more likely Dean who strides just a step before him. However, the change of expression on faces of those who knows him is noticeable. Castiel doesn't feel comfortable under so much public scrutiny and he just prays to God that this wasn't the worst idea of his life.

"Hey, Bela." Dean stops to great a girl he's obsessed with lately. She's from Castiel's class and he doesn't like a bit about her.

"Hi, Dean." She smiles too sweetly for it to be a genuine smile. "Sam."

Sam just nods.

"Cas, you know Bela?" Dean introduces her proudly.

And finally, Bela's eyes find the last of their small group.

"Castiel?" She asks incredulously.

Castiel just looks aside.

"Wow! What made you change clothes after your grandpa for something like this?" She asks teasingly and Castiel simply can't take this.

"Thanks, Bela. You also look great today." He gives her a compliment and without a second look walks away, silently fuming.

"Cas!" Dean calls after him, but Castiel is not stopping, he can't stop now. If he was to talk to her or even look at her again, he would do and say things he wouldn't be proud of.

_'So this is what people thinks about me?'_ Castiel ponders with heart heavy in his chest.

"Cas!"

Not stopping.

Then Castiel hears Dean to run over to his side and he finally stops, when Dean grips his arm.

"Cas," Dean turns him. "I bet she didn't meant it like that."

"Sure. So why doesn't she say so herself?"

Dean wants to reply, but is out of words, so he just closes his mouth. Just as Castiel thought.

"Dean, look. This was all a stupid idea. Just let it be, alright?"

"Alright." Dean's attitude grows instantly colder and Castiel almost regrets his words but to prove his point he continues in a direction of locker rooms.

Castiel actually doesn't need to change until later in the afternoon. He participates in a cross country run and that is one the last disciplines. Swimming starts first, so Dean is going to be in his swimsuit pretty soon. Castiel stalls, still upset, but then the loyalty and curiosity prevails and he ends up watching swimming race with the same rapture as anybody else. By the end he even forgets the guilty feeling that kept telling him he came mainly to ogle Dean with much less clothes than he usually sees him in. And that it was really worth it.

After the end of the part that took place at the pool, Castiel wanders between basketball and tennis courts until Sam's softball game is up and Castiel finds a comfortable place at the stands. He gets a glimpse of Dean, who apparently saw him, too, but who doesn't make a move to join him or wave him over. Castiel is so preoccupied by glaring in his direction he doesn't even notice where he perched until he sits next to Meg. Well, he's not exactly next to her, but she sits just two seats over and the space between them is empty. When she sees him, she reseats herself and Castiel feels funny that a girl and one as pretty as her on a top of that wants to sit next to him.

"Hello, Clarence." She smiles at him.

"Cl-" _'–arence?'_ Castiel wants to ask, his forehead wrinkled in frown, but stops himself when her smile just widens. There's nothing sarcastic in it.

"Hello." Castiel settles at.

"I saw what happened in the morning." She says and Castiel feels it as a hit under a belt. It started good and now this. He sighs. Meg looks faintly sympathetic. "Sorry." She continues casually, with a smirk playing on her lips. "But your friend is a dick."

Cas cannot help it and corners of his lips turn up. Meg's close and still smiling.

"Well, clothes don't make the change. Besides, people probably think I look ridiculous." Castiel philosophizes.

"I think it's quite sexy." Meg smirks provocatively as she appreciates his new appearance and then, in one moment, her look flicks between his eyes and his lips and Castiel thoughtlessly dives in. He spans the remaining distance and kisses her red lip-sticked lips.

The lips are sweet and taste little bit like cherry and little bit like cigarettes. It's overall a pleasant experience and when he pulls away he's rewarded by an amused and slightly impressed look. Castiel schools himself and turns back in the direction of a playfield, the short glance he steals in a direction of Dean tells him that his friend has seen it all.

He didn't kiss her in spite of Dean, even though he knows how much Dean hates Meg. He kissed her because she was the first person who ever looked on him that way, like he's worth love and worth kissing.

He spent the rest of the game by talking with Meg, who was surprisingly easy to talk to, despite that most of people were afraid of her. They talked about baseball and journalism, then the debate turned to religion and then school system and universities and Castiel had a feeling he haven't had such a good talk in years. When the game was over, he wasn't prone to meet Dean, because he will need to explain things he wasn't prepared to explain or didn't know how to. It was easy to slip out amongst the crowd and since the game stretched up a bit, he needed to hurry to get ready for the cross country run anyway.

Castiel always liked running, not that much for its fitness value as for that it gave him time to think. He chose the cross country run because he liked nature, the part of world where everything God created was perfect just as he has been taught. This time it wasn't quiet and there's been to many people for him to just admire the surroundings, but when he got into his pace, it was what he did – running – and he found a strange peace in that.

Castiel was thinking about Dean's shocked expression when he saw him kissing Meg. Dean himself was sitting next to Bela. Castiel couldn't understand what Dean sees on her apart from her wavy hair. She wasn't even all that pretty, let alone her fake smiles. He get why Dean hates Meg, though. Some time ago, Dean tried to hit on her and she sent him to hell in such a brilliant way, that people laughed at him for two more days after it happened. And whenever they met, she made sure to show him at least a little bit of what she thinks of him. Needless to say that Dean often tripped himself on his own words, giving her perfect chance to comment it. What will he tell Dean?

When he ran through the finish line, he was tired, but happy. Balthazar, who was helping with writing down the scores, got up from his seat and handed him a towel and bottle of water.

"Here you go. You weren't bad." He says and it sounds more like he didn't expect his friend to achieve such a score rather than a compliment.

"Thanks." Castiel pants and wipes his face before he downs half of the bottle.

"Hey, your friend was looking for you."

Castiel stiffens.

"You know, that hot guy who won the 50-yard freestyle swimming sprint race in the morning." He winks at Castiel knowingly.

Castiel tries not to blush, which is probably a waste of energy on his side, because he is already all flushed from running.

"Hey, Cas." Castiel's heart get stuck in his throat when he hears the familiar voice. "Can we talk for a bit?"

Castiel turns and Dean's standing few feet from him and he's licking his lips nervously.

"Yes." He walks up to him.

"What happened at the stands during the softball match, with you and Meg - what was that?" Dean interrogates and Castiel is prepared for it.

"I kissed her." Cas states bluntly as it was pretty obvious.

"Yeah, but I mean… Why? Why Meg?" Dean questions and gesticulates with his hands as if he was delivering the question physically.

"Because she likes me." Castiel answers solemnly.

"Cas. I don't wanna hurt you, but I doubt Meg likes you."

"Meg is nice to me."

"What?! Meg is a bitch!" Dean tips his head back and rubs his forehead to deflect the upcoming headache.

"You won't talk about her like that." Castiel warns coldly and there's an anger mounding in his chest.

"Cas, if you think that one day you pop up in a different shirt and girls are instantly all over you, I can tell you that's not how it works. For all I know she might be using you to get on me, because it's obvious we're friends, when we showed up together this morning, and she hates me. She's just using the fact she attracts you and you believe her like the saint naïve angel you are!" Dean shifts from upset forte to being outright screaming on Castiel.

"Dean, that's not how it is!" Castiel urges, but it doesn't seem to get through.

"And how is it then, hm? You'll marry her and you will live happily ever after?"

Castiel didn't see when Balthazar left his spot at the referee table and started to listen to their exchange, but when he speaks up, his face is strained and agitated.

"What is your problem, man?" He cuts Dean's mocking. "Castiel is gay. Now, does he look like somebody who's a victim to his own hormones to you?" He asks with his peculiar high-class English accent. "Because as far as I remember, he is not going around kissing boys, whenever they smile or say something nice to him."

All the blood from Castiel's face is gone. "Balthazar, I-" Before he's able to say something, Balthazar turns to him.

"Castiel, you didn't have to tell me. Before we became friends you were staring at my derrière as if I was wearing underwear over my pants. And you talk about girls… next to never."

Castiel doesn't even want to think of how many people have heard that, besides Dean, naturally, which would be already bad enough by itself. When he was imagining possible ways how to come out to his family and friends in the future, he never thought of such apocalyptic scenario like this one. _'Balthazar, fuck you.'_

There's nothing more left than except the verdict now. Everybody within earshot is staring at the thin boy in tank top and running shorts, with sweatbands on his wrists and head, but those people don't matter now. Castiel looks into Dean's eyes.

"So, you… ehm." Dean looks aside. "You do dudes?" He asks awkwardly.

Castiel heart sinks.

"Dean, you're friends with Charlie. And she's gay." Castiel protests indignantly.

"Yeah, but she's a girl."

"And how's that different?"

"It just is. Don't ask me such questions!" Dean yells back.

Castiel waits, but Dean doesn't look at him again.

"Narrow-minded douche." Balthazar comments it.

"Shut up, Balthazar." That's all Castiel can muster up to say before he leaves like a body without soul.

Castiel staggers to his room, he barely remembers how he got there, but he slams the door and locks them. He gets to his old-fashioned cassette-recorder, which his parents refused to replace by modern piece as long as this one is functional, and turns it on and raise the volume up to so that it almost hurts his ears. The music is drumming in his chest and finally he cannot hear his own heartbeat. He falls face-down on his bed, clutches the sheets and screams as much as he can. Once he's too tired screaming, he cries and he cries all night.

In the morning, Castiel's eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, he dresses up to his usual clothes and skips a breakfast. When he gets to school not a single pair of eyes meets his, everybody is stealing glances at him and stops talking when he gets closer. Every frigging person knows what happened at the race finish line yesterday and even those who usually do not give in gossips are giving him odd looks.

Castiel's desk is scribbled with 'sassy', 'fag' and 'sinners go to hell' and anonymous and sadly single 'you rock'. Some "good" soul even added a card for a psychiatrist. Castiel doesn't care. He spreads his textbook and notepad over the disgusting display and waits for the lesson to start.

First class is a disaster, everybody keeps whispering about the scandal and at the end of the lesson the teacher can't stand it and asks them what's going on. After few moments of awkward silence, one of his female classmates stands up and tells her.

"They are talking about Castiel being a gay." She says quietly and sits again.

The teacher's look slides to Castiel and then she faces whole class again.

"That's… natural. We should not judge people on either – their race, religion or sexual orientation."

_'Is she not even going to ask me, if it's true?'_ Castiel waits for her to continue, but that's apparently all the teacher has to say. Not that Castiel feels comfortable with his sexual orientation being publicly discussed. However, he expected something more, some support, not just a school book precept. As it turns out, being the only open male gay at school will be more though than he thought.

He's angry with the teacher and with the silly rumors and Balthazar, Dean and himself. He feels like vomiting at the men's toilets instead of the next class.

"Hey there, pretty boy." Someone calls sarcastically. It's a male voice and Castiel can say the person just stopped behind him. "It looks like your wet-dreams prince's has ditched you."

The sound of the laughter is drowned in a rapid beating of Castiel's heart and humming of blood in his ears. He doesn't even look who it is and punches him with all anger and frustration fuelling the strength of his fist. The guy falls down and fights back, but Castiel is in rage he keeps punching and strangling with a furious insanity in his eyes, until a six other guys get their hands on him. Very soon, Castiel is the one on floor and he can't even count how many punches and kicks he gets before the school bell breaks the spell and the attackers retreat. Students hurry to their classes, passing him in a wide arc and no one stops to help him. When he things that everbody's gone and everything's over, a sharp kick lands to his ribs and somebody spits at him. "Cock-sucker."

It escapes Castiel how somebody can be so cowardly that he wouldn't show self even when kicking someone who's lying on the floor in his own blood.

He can't even cry anymore as he lies in the empty muted corridor. Eventually, a teacher who goes for her class finds him and helps him on his feet. He spends some time at the school nursery until his parents pick him up and takes him to a clinic.

Castiel ends up with two broken ribs and multiple bruises, but otherwise he miraculously comes out of the incident relatively undamaged. When they ask him what happened, he doesn't lie. He says that a guy offended him, so he beat him and in return he got beaten by the guy's friends. He doesn't go into details and fortunately his parents don't force him to.

When he checks his phone, he finds some text messages and few missed calls. Most are from Dean and some from Sam. He doesn't look at them and turns his phone off. He lies on his bed and doesn't think about anything. The pain is dully throbbing in at least dozen parts of his body. It's strangely satisfying, a proof that he's still alive even though he feels dead inside.

He recalls the fake smile school nurse gave him, telling him that everything will be fine again. How could it be, when it never was _fine_ to start with? Castiel wishes he could just fall asleep and wake up as somebody else.

He's excused from a school until his wounds heal decently, so he just hangs around in his room, reads comics and listens to music. There's a one song he heard the previous day in the radio that keeps repeating in his head and he looks it up. Somehow, it's like its text speaks out his soul. He records it on a free cassette, so that he can play it and listen to it again.

By the dinner, his mother tells him that Mr. Winchester stopped by to ask about him.

The next afternoon, there's a knock on his door. Castiel expects it to be his mother, so he freezes when he hears Dean's voice instead.

"Cas?"

The doors are locked and Castiel has every intention to keep it that way.

"Cas, could we talk?"

"If you want your T-shirt, I'll return it to you once it's clean." Castiel remembers the bundle of white fabric that in the corner on the floor. He isn't usually this messy, but the late events were kind of taxing.

"It's not about the T-shirt." Dean sighs. "Could you open the door?"

Castiel is in temptation to raise the volume of his radio, so that he doesn't have to listen to Dean anymore, but he can't. Even hurt and shamed, he wants to hear that voice.

"Cas, I am really sorry." Dean really sounds to be.

"I was a jerk. I should have reacted differently. I am not exactly proud of what I said, OK?"

Castiel can picture Dean, rubbing the back of his neck and his jaw as he keeps shifting on his feet.

"You don't know what is it like." Castiel finally speaks again.

"What? Being gay?" Dean's voice turns puzzled.

"No. To be me."

"Then tell me. I will listen to you."

There a pause in which Castiel considers Dean's words.

"Let me be, Dean." Castiel says tiredly.

"Cas?"

"What part of 'Let me be' escapes your understanding?"

There's a silence. And then again:

"Cas."

Castiel growls, gets out of his bed, snatches the crumpled white T-shirt, then walks to the door, but stops by the cassette-recorder. He looks at it for a split of second as an idea is born in his head. He pulls out the newly recorded cassette and wraps it up in the T-shirt.

"Cas, I won't leave, until you talk to me."

Castiel opens the door, to Dean's utter surprise, pushes the bundle of T-shirt and cassette to his hands and closes and locks the door again, before Dean even opens his mouth.

"Everything I want to tell you is there. No go." And this time, Castiel raises the volume so that it's obvious the discussion is over.

An hour later, when it's obvious that Dean is gone, Castiel turns the radio off and thinks of the song he gave Dean on the cassette. He knows it by heart now.

It goes:

_'Do you ever feel like breaking down?_

_Do you ever feel out of place,_

_Like somehow you just don't belong_

_And no one understands you?_

_Do you ever wanna run away?_

_Do you lock yourself in your room_

_With the radio on turned up so loud_

_That no one hears you're screaming?_

_No, you don't know what it's like_

_When nothing feels all right_

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be like me_

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_Do you wanna be somebody else?_

_Are you sick of feeling so left out?_

_Are you desperate to find something more_

_Before your life is over?_

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_

_Are you sick of everyone around?_

_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies_

_While deep inside you're bleeding_

_No, you don't know what it's like_

_When nothing feels all right_

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be like me_

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_No one ever lied straight to your face_

_And no one ever stabbed you in the back_

_You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay_

_Everybody always gave you what you wanted_

_You never had to work, it was always there_

_You don't know what it's like, what it's like_

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)_

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_Welcome to my life_

_Welcome to my life'_

Cas isn't sure if that was the most brilliant idea, to give Dean a song like this, but at least he tried. He did something. He couldn't say it better, if he tried. What's done is done.

Later that night, Cas is reading one of his comics with only a bed-side lamp on, when he hears hushed:

"Cas!"

His window is open, because it started to be hot and the night air pleasantly cools the house.

And then again: "Cas!"

He tries his best to ignore Dean. And for a while it seems his tactic succeeded, until there's a suspicious rattle and in the next moment, Dean is squeezing in through his now fully opened window.

"Dean!" Castiel hisses, but it doesn't have any effect on Dean's presence in his room.

"Cas, just listen me up." Castiel sits straighter on his bed. "I was such an idiot. I hope the invitation stands?"

"What invitation?" This time, it's Castiel's turn to be confused and he tilts his head to a side when he asks.

"That I will be welcomed to your life." Dean explains.

Castiel stares at him in incomprehension.

"Because I want to be part of your life and you to be part of mine."

Then it hits him. _'The words of the song…'_

"Dean, I appreciate your interest, but the truth is that although we can be just friends, I can't think of you that way. I was trying, but you are… very appealing."

Dean sits on his bed by his feet.

"That's alright, because…" Dean talks into his lap, but then forces his look up to meet Castiel's.

"I also find you appealing. I am-" He gulps heavily and for a while it seems like he will never continue, but then he finishes in a hoarse voice. "bisexual."

And here comes the most treasured secret of Dean Winchester. Castiel shifts closer.

"Dean." He says simply and Dean's eyes catches on his lips. He looks terrified. Castiel wounds his arms around him and pulls him into a hug. They just sit like that for a while, drawing reassurance from each other's arms.

When they finally pull away, Dean's eyes are tranquil, the storm that took place behind them is cleared like a summer night sky after rain. All the awkwardness from physical proximity is gone and Dean slowly leans in and kisses Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I could have written more and maybe I will in the future, but as it is I found this point as a good one where to stop ;) Hope you liked it.


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